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Lagos Police And A Pastor

On Lagos-Ibadan express road, when a Pastor met a team of policemen who, quite naturally, wanted 'something' from him. Since he was not prepared to play their games, they asked for his papers and having combed through everything without any offence with which to nail the 'stubborn' pastor, they now asked him to open the bonnet of his car.

A careful scrutiny of the engine number against what was on paper revealed that letter 'U' was written in such a way that it could be mistaken for letter 'V'. That was all the officer-in-charge needed to shout "stolen vehicle!"

Creation

God created the donkey and said to him, "You will be a donkey. You will work untiringly from sunrise to sunset carrying burdens on your back. You will eat grass, you will have no intelligence and you will live 50 years."
The donkey answered, "I will be a donkey, but to live 50 years is much. Give me only 20."
God granted his wish.

Lawyer and Jamaican man on airplane

A lawyer and a Jamaican are sitting next to each other on a long flight.
The lawyer is thinking that Jamaicans are so dumb that he can fool them easy...
So the lawyer asks if the Jamaican would like to play a fun game.
The Jamaican is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and tries to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and says that the game is a lot of fun.
'I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me only $5; You ask me one, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500..'

Bastard

Pls read through this converastion …
GIRL: I have sinned. I called my boyfriend a BASTARD.

PSYCHIATRIST: Well now, that's not a nice thing to call anyone, so what did he do to deserve that?

GIRL: Well, he kissed me.

PSYCHIATRIST:You mean like this? The psychiatrist kissed the girl

GIRL: ......Yes!

PSYCHIATRIST:Well that's no reason to call him a BASTARD.

GIRL:But, he put his hand in my top.

PSYCHIATRIST:You mean like this? The psychiatrist put his hand in the girl's top

GIRL:Yes!

Job Qualifications

A foremost Political Party in Nigeria , popularly referred to as "The Ruling Party", requires for immediate appointment into the House of Representatives, a qualified Hooligan with the following professional qualifications:

First degree in Boxing or Kick boxing.

A Professional diploma in aggressive cover-up techniques.

MUST be a duly certified LIAR with vast experiencein corrupt practices.

Must be ready to shun the voices of the People inallegiance to the Party's wishes.

Possession of a falsified educational degree will be an added advantage.

Son In Law To Be

Father-In-Law : Young man, U’re coming to seek my daughter’s hand in marriage and u’re chewing gum.That’s a sign of disrespect! .
Man : Sir, I only chew gum when I drink or smoke. .
Father-In-Law : You mean u drink & smoke and u’re here to seek my daughter’s hand in marriage? .
Man : Sir I only drink & smoke when I go to the club.
Father-In-Law : U club too? .
Man : I’m sorry sir, I started clubbing when I came out of prison.
Father-In-Law : U’ve also been in prison before? Oh my God! .